Movie Review: Grindhouse -- Planet Terror

Break out the wine and crackers, boys, we got us some cheeeeeeeeese!

I used the charming On Demand feature last night, and finally saw Planet Terror. I have a feeling that in a little while, I'm going to watch it again, because, well, I can. I will own this. And DG will give me The Look and just shake his head sadly.

For those that didn't grow up with the Grindhouse B-movie, this film is probably going to go whooooosh and not be fully appreciated. If you're into Splatter Comedy, you've probably already seen it, and own it.

Every Single B-Movie Cliche is present in this. All of them. Shameless, blatant, and deliberate. The cheese factor is so high that nachos come easy, just add chips. Having a shameless adoration for good cheese in a splatter comedy, I loved this movie, giggling madly through pretty much the entire thing.

This is not a movie that takes itself seriously. The script is appropriately atrocious, the nonsensical close-ups of hair flips and ridiculous glamour in the middle of a zombie fight are SO classic grindhouse, the plot is so thin and has enough holes you can fly a 747 through them, the acting is all completely over the top with the actors chewing so much scenery you wonder how they have a set left to film on, explosions that make utterly no sense whatsoever, and the grainy, warping visual completes the attempt to bring back Camp. There is no shortage of gore (gouting fountains of blood, anyone?), and if you don't recognize the tributes to old splatter, you've been living under a rock or don't like watching this sort of thing anyway. It even has the pre-requisite Creepy Ass Kid.

I want to know just how much fun the actors had in making this movie. It's truly no-holds-barred insanity, from start to finish.

Oh, and I never really thought much of Rose McGowan, but damn, she's hot in this. If you're familiar with other films by Rodriguez, then you'll recognize a whole lot of these faces.

There's even a segment of "Missing Reel", just like you'd expect from a grindhouse feature that's been played so many times, the film is falling apart.

It's hard to imagine that a movie can be this much utterly stupid fun.

Movie Review: Dead and Breakfast

Oh. My. God. SciFi aired Dead and Breakfast the other night. I'd heard about this movie for a while, but never found it on DVD or on any other channel. So no, I've never managed to see this uncut. Yet. I WILL own this movie.

After all, I've got a huge collection of zombie films, both originals and remakes. Clearly, I need to add more.

I damn near hurt myself laughing. This is Zombie Cheese splatter comedy at its finest, along the lines of Army of Darkness meets Peter Jackson's Dead/Alive (BrainDead for the lucky folks over the pond).

Over the top ridiculous gore (gouting fountains of blood, anyone?), a script that never once took itself too seriously, zombies galore, David Carradine, prerequisite characters that do Really Odd Things, like the vegetarian that apparently can speak any and all languages, as well as ASL, and the one who, when the shit hits the fan, starts building her own shotguns because they have shells but nothing to fire them (played by Carradine's niece), the completely nerdy and slightly creepy guy, the mysterious stranger, David Fucking Carradine!, and a country singer/gas station attendant that narrates the movie, both before and after his zombiedom.

The opening credits alone are awesome -- black, white, and red drawings, very comic book style -- and these show up throughout the movie as it shifts from one setting to another. The actors aren't complete unknowns, and some may even be familiar to viewers.

Look for deliberate Cheese Moments: zombies doing the Thriller Dance, an Evil Dead poster, and a Buffy reference.

It ain't Oscar-winning cinema, and it's not for true horror fans, or those that believe all zombie movies should be deadly serious, but it's a damn fun way to spend two hours.

Movie Review: Resident Evil: Extinction

It did not suck.

Better review when I'm more coherent, hopefully, but it did not suck. If you're a zombie dork enough like me to have enjoyed the first one, you'll like the third.

And Milla's my new hero, right up there with Angelina, both of whom regularly do 90% or more of their own stunts (IE, the stunts that legal and insurance will allow them to do).

HOWEVER ... The CGI crew should be taken out and SHOT, repeatedly, starting from the toes up, for one horrendously overdone effect that you are smacked in the face with time and time again.

Every single close-up of Alice is Photoshop Airbrush in action. After only the second close-up, I was already sick to death of the smudge brush. It's that overdone

Movie Review: 300

I didn't see this in the theaters, and now I'm really regretting it.

'300' is based on a Frank Miller graphic novel -- that right there should put everyone that wants to see a 'historical' perspective on notice. You aren't watching a documentary, you're watching a live-action comic book.

And they pull it off beautifully. Literally. The cinematics are absolutely gorgeous, the visuals rich and disturbing. It's absolutely beautiful. Look for the dance of the Oracle near the beginning, and ... just wow. Almost hypnotic. Gorgeous.

I can't say much for the story, because I sort of zoned a bit on paying attention there -- I was that caught up in WATCHING all the pretty. Sometimes being a CGI nerd works against me, but I think drowning in all the pretty was a decent trade-out in losing some of the other things. I could have watched it with the sound off and still enjoyed seeing it, that's how pretty this movie is.

With that said ... I'm not going to call this a spectacular movie. It's a beautiful FILM, but as a movie, not quite as compelling. There's cheese-factor in the script (but again, graphic novel, hello), and Gerard Butler's lovely Scottish accent, while mostly controlled for this, still gives you a few twinge moments because it just doesn't fit. The eye-candy is amazing, both in cinematics, and the cast -- I swear there wasn't a single homely soldier among the 300 (a walking ad for Body Sculpting), which contrasted sharply with the freak-show horrors of Xerxes' army. The plot? Well, it's not like they really had to reach for depth there. 300 men face an endless legion of the enemy for the sake of freedom. End plot.

It's worth watching at least once.

Pan's Labyrinth and Felted Grapevine Cuff

First off, if you haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth yet, what in the HELL are you people waiting for? It's definitely an 'adult' faerie tale, and although my 10 year-old really enjoyed it, it certainly isn't for all kids, so parents beware. While it isn't particularly scary, it is a bit graphic on the violence in places, and some of the themes (all right, MOST of them) are pretty dark, but it is utterly amazing. The 3 Oscars it earned were much deserved.

Faerie fans, it's a Must See, preferably in a theater to get the full visuals. It's a beautiful film.

Two Pooka Thumbs Up.

Next, the obligatory Quality Control Inspector visual:



Don't ask about the camo yoga pants. Shut up, they're comfortable.

The newest felted bracelet:

This is about the second stage or so, after the base has been wet felted. The grapes are needle felted onto the base.


Then, I wet felted up a sheet for the leaves, cut them out, needle felted them on, and added in some wool yarn for the twining vines.



Last step was the velcro closure.