Yet Another Notice from the Pooka Testing Kitchens:
Gummy SweeTarts Rabbits are indescribably Ucky.
::chew chew chew chew:: Mastication does absolutely nothing to change them from their lapin form to something even remotely edible.
::chew chew chew:: I fear that they go into the stomach in the same toxic shape as they entered the mouth. I think they're supposed to be in traditional SweeTarts flavours, but I wouldn't put any money on how close they come to acheiving it.
"Tangy," sez the bag. The bag lies.
"Candy" sez the bag. I consider this a lie as well. Goodyear might produce something like this, were they to tint their tires pastel colours.
"Try our funny, yummy, gummy varieties," the bag sez. Let's inspect each part of this sentence in turn.
"Funny." Yes, calling it candy or a food product is most amusing.
"Yummy." On what fucking planet does this actually apply to the crap I'm chewing?
"Gummy." Yes. Yes. Here we have some semblence of accuracy. Gummy. Yes, yes they are, in the way that an infant's teething ring could be considered gummy. Nowhere does this honestly indicate edibility, so I'll let this stand.
"Varieties." So far, I've found ... nasty gummy, foul gummy, and what the fuck did I just put in my mouth gummy. I guess we have to let this one slide as well.
A very very frightened part of my mind is babbling in horror over where the 3 g of Protein in the gummies might come from. And they're even Kosher!
There are just some questions that one should never ask.
Not only shall I avoid purchasing such a thing ever again in the future, I feel the uncontrollable urge to walk into the bedroom and beat DG with the remnants of the bag for bringing them home in the first place.
::chew chew chew:: Anyone want one?
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