TehMadScientist: What form would your heaven take, were you to choose?
Pooka: A big soft comfy squishy bed, lots of very sexy cabana boys all willing and eager to appease my every single whim, utterly pain free Pooka, nice temperate weather, not too hot, not too cold ...
Pooka: And being able to eat anything I want without it making me sick or fat. :D
TehMadScientist: Hmm.. (goes off to ponder how he can fit all of that into a UPS box .... "In pieces!" is heard in the distance)
Pooka: Cabana boys with removable parts. You know, that has a certain allure
TehMadScientist: Oh good. The other prototype I was going to test against were some form of zombie / conjured cabana boy look alike
Pooka: We can do without the zombies, although that would be nice for some target practice. I've got these new rounds for the Beretta that I haven't fired yet, you know
TehMadScientist: Oh? What form? Silver, gold? Osmium? Osmium would be hot against zombies.
Pooka: I don't know, Daddygod won't let me play with them, he just starts mumbling "MY precious" and gets all weird
TehMadScientist: Teflon coated osmium bullets with a suppressor = HAWTNESS. And my super-heavy bullet idea will be employed QUICKLY to get rid of these nasty sex-zombie prototypes. In hindsight, I don't quite get why I made them .. oh well.
Pooka: Well, it was a good idea in theory. I think. Or maybe you were sniffing the Soju a bit too much
TehMadScientist: Oh I see. The sheet with the 'pros' of the idea was on the table. The packing crate with the 'cons' is still downstairs on the forklift, and so I forgot about them. Eh. hindsight.
Pooka: Yeah. I mean, not having to worry about any number of communicative sexual diseases is nice. Unfortunately, the one contagious thing they DO have is sort of fatal.
TehMadScientist: well and the SMELL! I don't know about you, but I actually use my nose during recreational coitus, and the zombie's need something ALOT stronger than a shower to rid themselves of their funk
Pooka: And the tendency for body parts in action to sort of detach unpleasantly
TehMadScientist: bah, Gorilla glue fixed that part in the early trial runs.
Pooka: Yeah, but do you really want to dig it out?
TehMadScientist: the test zombies did have a nasty tendancy to get together, though. Should probably add that to the 'cons'..... here we go, section 5, paragraph 34, section 7, sub section 4: The dangers of decompsited organic material and forign substances
Pooka: Perhaps we just need to stick with willing and living participants for the frolicking cabana boy fest.
TehMadScientist: Microsoft word couldn't spell check the thing for me, it coughs and dies after breaking the 2 GB limit on doc size.
Pooka: Before it turns into the undead cabana boy feast. I mean, being eaten is one thing, but that gives it a really unpleasant little twist
TehMadScientist: Yes, I think so. Well, the sex-droids are behaving themselves well. Their batteries died. TehMadScientist: Want me to send them along? Assembly could be turned into a party game of sorts.
Pooka: Rechargable solar cells. Much better
TehMadScientist: especially the later ones, their bodies are fully modular
Pooka: Mix and match! Yes! Perfect! Upgrade city!
TehMadScientist: that, combined with the extensible learning algorithms I had to include to surmount certain ... difficulties ... make "pin the tail" MUCH more exciting! Is is a man-droid? A fem-bot? Why not both? How many arms does it need? How many do I need it to need? All these questions and more ... so many more ... DAMNED CRITICS! Always asking questions ...
Pooka: Both. Hmm, she-male sex droids. With multiple arms. This has much promise. Perfect partner for the couple that just can't decide what they want their third to be.
TehMadScientist: Yes, well ... Like I said, their batteries died. I'm taking the opportunity to finish some of the bug fixing that is apparently needed... I mean, those trials progressed well through the initial stages before even the slightest hint that something was amiss emerged...
Pooka: I'm tellin ya, rechargeable solar cells, wave of the future, you don't brownout entire cities when you turn the vibrator up to High
TehMadScientist: And it's not so much of a bug, really, just more of a needed feature control of sorts. Perhaps a questionaire built in for use at each start-up
Pooka: Passworded override system, yes? Voice recognition?
TehMadScientist: Erm, more like selectable comfort limits. Perhaps a dual layered system, yellow zone and red zone sensibilities. for those who don't mind certain surprises. Yes, I think I am onto something here!
Pooka: Learning mode to figure out that the red zone isn't off-limits, but needs to be built UP to.
TehMadScientist: OHHHH! Excellent as well! Hmm, a fourth black zone will need to be added
Pooka: I mean, there are certain places you just don't go without at LEAST some sort of warmup drill
TehMadScientist: green, yellow, red, nono's
Pooka: Indeed, absolutely. Cover those Absolutely No Way In Hell EVER bases
TehMadScientist: Commandeering livestock for ... uses ... I think will be hard-coded black. It will also be programmed to ignore the phrase "Think of the children!"
TehMadScientist: *shudders*
Pooka: There is now great fear in my heart. Excuse me while I cower under my desk
TehMadScientist: So lets see...We have the DIY droid toys ... some mandatory attendance plane tickets for some of your choice vic... sla.. erm .. servants? ... that will do ... and catering by Whole Foods grocers? TehMadScientist: I think that should round things out nicely.
Pooka: With Alton Brown to do the cooking
TehMadScientist: One more plane ticket, check. *pondering* Still, I wonder ... nono, it would never work...
Pooka: Never is such a harsh term
TehMadScientist: Well, the third series of prototype was more of a research venue
Pooka: Got to earn that grant money somehow
TehMadScientist: The information is still ... unsatisfactory. My data-mining tools have yet to recover any completely effective demon-summoning rituals, for the particular spectrum of species that I have selected
Pooka: Oh, well, Google.
TehMadScientist: Oh. duh. *runs off*
TehMadScientist: that's just returning erotic fiction to start with. Perhaps I need quotes around my string?
Pooka: That usually helps. You have to be very specific to weed out the trash, although at least now you got your porn
TehMadScientist: fascinating, according to this page I need to get together a more extensive list of reagents than I had first anticipated... ew. Some of them are yucky.
Pooka: Well, demon summoning isn't pretty
TehMadScientist: well that has been the problem. I have summoned MANY test subjects at this point, usually while waiting for the droids to recharge but they have all be very unsatisfactory, usually not even from the right genus, let alone the individual merits of a subject. Most have been entirely incompatible with human anatomy. Like the cactus demon. NOT COMPATIBLE.
Pooka: More research for true names required, perhaps some arcane literature with more information on the species you are attempting to acquire
TehMadScientist: perhaps. I should run off to the local library, they are always advertising how wide the range of books they have is.
Pooka: Just avoid the whole new age bookstore thing, they're useless, really, except in bad movies
TehMadScientist: Oh I know! That whole Blair Witch thing? ugh ... I actually got physically ill during that movie.
Pooka: Never watched it, mercifully
TehMadScientist: And then all the copycats afterwards! Freshman college students thinking they can all be witches now just because they butchered their roommates in a field at night.
Pooka: Though it does do wonders for bringing down the population of idiots. Has to make it easier on dorm housing too
TehMadScientist: Yeah, but I was a glorified janitor through college. Hence, where I found all the parts for the zombies.
Pooka: So what you're saying is they were already partially decomposed when you started. Maybe it would work better with fresher corpses
TehMadScientist: No, it really doesn't. Even if you get to them before the smell, the cold clamminess is still there. And those dumb hand warmer heat packs can only do so much.
Pooka: Right, I suspect the zombies are pretty much a dead end. (snicker)
TehMadScientist: No, I am going to call that line of research terminated.
Pooka: Deceased, even
TehMadScientist: Well, I'll just bury it with the other paperwork I never want to see again.
Pooka: I don't know, subjects like that have a way of returning to life when you least expect it
TehMadScientist: I hate when dead projects get reanimated, it's always embarassing to have to explain away your closet skeletons.
Pooka: .... we are so sick. *laughing*
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